Ups and downs

I have made friends with this awesome person. They really don't even realize how much they have come to mean to me over the past few days. ThEy are so sweet and kind. And I really don't feel like I deserve them.

On the downside they live on the other side of the US..and not next door where they need to be living (cough)
I still love them though :)

I hope to be putting up a KakaNaru today but I make no promises.
I love you all! Be safe!

-the Silent Observer-

Ne ne

Well...updates are in order I think. I am currently 117 pounds guys! Hopefully I can keep gaining! Bloody heck it's ridiculous how long this is taking. I will hopefully be 120 by the end of next month.

So other than that stress..I've been alright. Some things are going on that may or may not be a new turning point for me...I have until Christmas to make my decision. Or rather...they do.

I hope everyone is alright...and I will be putting up a KakaNaru story soon xD

I love you all! Be safe!

- the Silent Observer-

Battle

Hello all! Ok. So I relapsed slightly, but I'm pretty much back on track! I am once more back at 116 so...progress? Lol! I know it's a day late and all but I have the story for you! It's a a thank you of sorts...for all of you have been encouraging me to get better...and when I do slip up, not to give up! Thank you all so much!

It's a PWP story. Pretty much nothing but smut. That's how much I love you guys! Lol! It's Bleach...Kenpachi/Ichigo....and is set when Kenpachi saved Ichigo from Nnoitra's sexy butt xD

Enjoy!

Battle- Kenpachi/Ichigo-warnings- smut. Slash. Being turned on by blood...you know...the usual weird shite from me...

He kicked me, claiming he didn't want me in the way. Bastard. When I got my hands on him...
I guess I should be happy...
He saved me after all. You'll never hear me tell him thank you. So I was forced to watch as Kenpachi fought my previous opponent, Nnoitra's.
As I watched the battle, I was only slightly worried. I knew the Eleventh Division's Captian could handle himself...but he is my lover...so...

"K-Kenpachi," I whispered, cursing the fact that I couldn't fight too
I watched him swing his sword. Nnoitra's parried and thief fight continued. Wow. Kenpachi looked so hot when he fought. Was I turned on by the blood that was spilt? Oh yes. Yes I was.

"Kenpachi, get over here and fuck me. Jackarse." I muttered.

Dude I swear he has super human hearing abilities cause he froze and in an instant he was at my side, leering at me.

"You sure you aren't too weak to handle me, Strawberry?"

I scowled and attempted to sit up.

"Fuck you, Kenpachi. I can handle anything you throw at me."

Kenpachi's grin grew impossibly larger and I felt myself grow harder at it's sight.

"Oi! I'm over here! Ya shouldn't take your eyes offa your opponent!" came Nnoitra's voice as he launched an attack at Kenpachi.

Frowning in irritation, my lover turned and cut him down, blood splashing all over him. I shivered and moaned.

"Kenpachi. Now."

Kenpachi flinched and when he turned I knew I was in for an explosively intense sexual experience. He knelt over my prone body and licked my blood off of my cheek.

"Woman. Unless you wish to watch, being here isnt in your best interest. You will die. Yachiru! Take this woman and the green haired kid and hide, your mommy and I have to talk." Kenpachi growled as he ground down his hips against mine.

Orihime gasped. I moaned loudly, not caring if anyone heard me. I knew when they were gone though, because he began to undress me and he made sure to never do stuff like that in front of Yachiru.

I arched into his touch. Wanting it. Needing it.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?" he inquired, nibbling on my neck.

I fisted his hair and arched my back again.
"Watching you fight...getting covered in blood...major turn on...Now shut the fuck up and fuck me you bastard!"

I watched with satisfaction as his pupils dilated and his grin was back in force. My clothes(what was left anyways) were ripped from me and his were hastily done away with.
He rubbed his cock against mine as he rocked his hips down. The sands of Hueco Mundo bit at my skin.

"Sure you are up to this, strawberry?" he bit my throat, eliciting a moan out of me. He drew blood. I could smell it.

"Kenpachi, damn it! SHUT UP and FUCK ME!" I yelled and lifted my legs to wrap around his hips, causing the tip of his cock to press against my entrance.

He pulled off his eye patch and as his reitsu erupted around us, he plowed in without preparing me. The pain mixed with the pleasure, was almost too much...almost.
He began thrusting in and out of me roughly, nailing my prostate every time, as our reitsu commingled and became one.

"Oh gawd! Harder 'Pachi!" I screamed and he growled possessively as he obliged.

I gripped onto him with all of my strength, scratching at him, biting him. We kissed hard and passionate enough to draw blood, which caused us both to moan in ecstasy.
I came violently when he leaned close to my ear and muttered that he loved me. It meant more when he said it. So many things underlied his words. When he told me he loved me it meant: I love you.
I want you.
You are MINE!

As I clenched around him, he cursed and spilled his seed in me, marking me as his. Breathing heavily, he lay on me for a second as he pulled out of me.

"I love you, Kenpachi." I whispered and felt warm for the briefest of moments when he gave me a tender smile, showing me just how much he cared.

He kissed me softly on the lips before pulling away and getting dressed once more.

"I'll not dress you so better do it yourself. Otherwise I'll cut the woman's eyes out."

I knew he meant when he brought Orihime back to heal me. I grinned and reached out for my Shinigami pants at least. They were the least destroyed article of clothing. I slipped them on, wincing a bit, and then looked over his fully clothed form.

"I'm done. What do we do now?"

Kenpachi cast me a concerned glance before grinning.

"I will be fucking you so hard when this is over, berry."

I rolled my eyes,ignoring the nickname.
"That wasn't my question."

Kenpachi shrugged.
"She needs to heal you first. Then we'll decide what to do."

I rolled my eyes again.
"Yes, Master." I stated sarcastically, gasping when Kenpachi pinned me once more.

"Careful, Ichigo." he growled. I could tell he was ready to go again.

I, however, wasn't.

I gulped but nodded and he stood, then whistled.
Yachiru appeared with Orihime and Nel in tow. Kenpachi picked Orihime up and dropped her beside me.

"Heal him."

She did as she was told. I gazed at him lovingly as he allowed Yachiru to hang off of his shoulders. Yes. I loved this man. No matter what.

- end-

There it is! It's really old so I apologize for it's lame wording and such.
But I hope you love it! I love you all! Be safe! Read and review? Wait...what? Lol!

-the Silent Observer-

Hey guys

So I haven't posted in a while. I was supposed to write a story but I keep getting distracted by things I need to do. That and my husbands 'You can beat this on your own without a support group. It's all in your head and you're strong enough to beat this' comment just kind of makes me want to forget all of this just to show him how hurtful his comment was. I made it to 114 guys. I literally slipped and for two days I ate only one meal a day. I ate more yesterday, and will today too o-O...this morning I was 116 so I guess I'm back to normal. Whatever the bloody hell that means.

I hope all of you are doing well! I plan on writing a story for you on Sunday. Fingers crossed? Be safe everyone! I'm sorry I haven't written any comments on you guys blogs. I love you all!

-the Silent Observer-

Irene

What a joke hurricane! Lol! Sorry I've seen worse. We were right on the oceanfront and still it was only mildly high winds (I've been in winds that nearly blew me away when I was 130...and I'm 116 right now...it didn't even move me a little...faaail!)

In other news...I am constantly shifting between 115 and 116. I want to be at least 118 so that I can exercise again. I feel so flabby! (sobs)

I'll be able to write a new story on Monday guys xD
I hope all of you are doing alright! I love you all! Be safe!

And anyone who was hurt by Irene I'm sorry and hope everything works out for you! I was just saying that by the time it reached us..it was pathetic...I think the weather people love to embellish on how bad storms are sometimes.

-the Silent Observer-

Update!

Ok sooo I'm 116 again (still...whatever...lol!) and it's partially because I back-slid a bit. But I'm getting back on track I promise! I have been eating...alot more than when I restricted even...but not as much as I probably should. I am hungry now though and about to go eat lol!

Hubby and I might be getting Sugar Gliders soon! I can't wait! They are so adorable!

I will try writing a new story up for you guys soon...as soon as I decide what I want to put lol!
Be safe everyone! I love you! Be safe!

-the Silent Observer-

The past...

So...I've been thinking. Alot. About many points in my life I rather detest. Like my father who bans me from my family (and vise versa) because I decided to NOT join the military and instead, follow my heart to be with the wonderful man I'm married to today. I'm ridiculed for my choices to the point that my father taints my sisters thoughts of me and states 'Shes just a crack whore! Her husband is satanic and selling her body for drugs'
My mother says 'Your sister looks better in that hat than you do!' or 'Your sister could be a model' or 'Her grades are so nice since she went to college! I wish you had gone!'

My mother always put the drawings I made her in the cupboard. Guess where sister's made it? The fridge for all to see. I confronted mom about that once. She said 'Do you really want your artwork ruined?'
I wouldn't care really if it meant you acknowledged you had another daughter! Bloody he'll and I'm the OLDESt! Shouldn't this be the other way around? Not that I really want Sis to go through this...dismissal. I gave up trying a while ago. When my mother and sister called my husband a moron just because he didn't agree with their choice in guns. I cried so hard. Why cant they see me? What did I do that was so wrong? Why am I being punished for something that wasn't my fault?! It was his damnit! It was his! He's the reason I'm so filthy! He's the reason I can't even look at a male without expecting a harsh blow or word...or an intimate touch I don't want! It's not my fault! Why does he always make it out like it's my fault?!

I feel like taking a knife and digging it all out! All that whatever that taints me and makes it so that I'm so unwanted. But I won't. I promised Hubby I wouldn't. And I keep my promises...

Today I kinda backtracked. I ate less than 500 I'm sure of it. And as guilty as I feel...I felt so good about not having to stuff my face with alot of food...still. Even Hubby kinda shook his head 'such a fuck up' and looked so sad that I had backtracked. Plus I weighed myself twice. What's wrong with me today? Why have I done so good then failed so miserably?

Sorry guys. Seems like everyone is kinda on the low today.
I just started thinking of this after talking to Diz, though. I want her to know that she's loved and wanted. That I know what she's feeling if only a bit. And while trying to reassure her...I remembered everything that I try toforget about my family. If you can even call them that anymore.

I love you all! Please be safe! Know that you are worth something...from one outcast to another...you are worth something to me!

-the Silent Observer-