My mother says 'Your sister looks better in that hat than you do!' or 'Your sister could be a model' or 'Her grades are so nice since she went to college! I wish you had gone!'
My mother always put the drawings I made her in the cupboard. Guess where sister's made it? The fridge for all to see. I confronted mom about that once. She said 'Do you really want your artwork ruined?'
I wouldn't care really if it meant you acknowledged you had another daughter! Bloody he'll and I'm the OLDESt! Shouldn't this be the other way around? Not that I really want Sis to go through this...dismissal. I gave up trying a while ago. When my mother and sister called my husband a moron just because he didn't agree with their choice in guns. I cried so hard. Why cant they see me? What did I do that was so wrong? Why am I being punished for something that wasn't my fault?!
I feel like taking a knife and digging it all out! All that whatever that taints me and makes it so that I'm so unwanted. But I won't. I promised Hubby I wouldn't. And I keep my promises...
Today I kinda backtracked. I ate less than 500 I'm sure of it. And as guilty as I feel...I felt so good about not having to stuff my face with alot of food...still. Even Hubby kinda shook his head
Sorry guys. Seems like everyone is kinda on the low today.
I just started thinking of this after talking to Diz, though. I want her to know that she's loved and wanted. That I know what she's feeling if only a bit. And while trying to reassure her...I remembered everything that I try toforget about my family. If you can even call them that anymore.
I love you all! Please be safe! Know that you are worth something...from one outcast to another...you are worth something to me!
-the Silent Observer-
I am very sorry to hear that. You didn't deserve all that shit, because you are a great person, no matter what they say/think. I think that parents will always compare their children to someone else, because they want their kids to be "the best", or at least "better". But what really makes one better? The grades, the looks, what? All these don't matter in the end, but who we really are inside. So that would mean that you're clearly better than them, because you are nicer, kinder, etc.
ReplyDeleteNow that I think about it, I guess most ED-ed people have somewhat.. "different" families.
I'm almost sure I said that before, but there will always be ups and downs in our lives. Before, you felt like cheating because you had mini snacks, now because you've eaten less. You don't have to feel sad, there's a tomorrow where you can start over and do everything better :)
I'm sorry that you remembered all those things while trying to make me feel better :( But your comment literally made me smile in the end, thank you very much <3
Weird thing, I've dreamed your username last night, and had that weird feeling that something wasn't okay. Today I've been waiting to see a post or something from you, just to know that you're fine.
Lots of love, and take care about yourself! <3
You're worthy to me, too. I hope you get better! :)
Also, if you feel like talking, here's my email:
choks.steph@yahoo.com
(Okay, that was a long comment..)
I'm so sorry. That made me sad to read- you deserve to be supported in your decisions. Your life is your own and whatwver you choose to do is where you are supposed to go.
ReplyDeleteI've always had similar problems with my brother being favored by my parents. I know they love me but it's hard when I feel so much less cared for with. I'm completely self sufficient at 20, while my brother is jobless and not going to school and stays at home and sleeps all day.
I hope you feel better soon.
Aw hun sorry things aren't great! Keep your chin up! Lots of love xxx
ReplyDelete