Saturday, July 23, 2011

Depressed

I'm rather depressed right now. It kinda started when hubby said I was too thin. He said 'You don't even eat much when we go out anymore'
I said it was because I felt fat. He told me I wasn't. But now I feel really guilty. I'm hurting him...all because of my inability to NOT see the fat that is all over my body. It's just not enough yet. I'm not thin enough yet. Just a bit longer. Once I reach my GW I'll be happy will I?. I hope that Hubby will stay wih me through all of this...even if he doesn't know all of what's going on.

Because of this though...I'm feeling a major binge coming on. And I'm trying to avoid it at all costs. Even CM is getting concerned because she says I'm exercising more than I'm eating.
I just. Can't bare to eat more than a little.
Why can't I just be accepted? Why isn't this enough?
Why don't they see this? Do they not care?

-the Silent Observer-
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5 comments:

  1. DizzoJuly 24, 2011 at 4:20 AM

    Aww, I'm sorry to hear you're depressed.

    You are not fat, you are beautiful.

    I really hope you get better, and remember I'm here for you :)

    Love <3

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  2. tobfJuly 24, 2011 at 4:51 AM

    aww honey. if you're able to stick with your current UGW it won't be much longer now <3 Do what you can to protect your relationships though. This is a very lonely place to be already, and estranging people will only make it worse xoxo.

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  3. Dandelion ClockJuly 24, 2011 at 9:38 AM

    :( Sadface. How do you think things would go down if you told hubby all? Is that a possible, or a totally unthinkable? Hope you feel better soon xxx

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  4. Y.C. Phantomhive87July 24, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Thank you tobf, Dizzo, and Dandelion. I am unsure as to what hubby would do if he found out. I'm sure he'd be sad. Probably annoyed as well. I'm holding on to my original UGW for as long as I can...because I don't want my hubby to have to worry about me. Is that selfish? Probably. Thank you guys! It means alot that you all are so supportive! Love you!

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  5. B.July 24, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    I totally understand what you mean. Ironically my boyfriend kept telling me to lose weight and now that I have he wants me to stop. It almost makes me happy though- I feel like it's my way of punishing me.
    You may want to think though... when will you be thin enough?

    ReplyDelete

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