Well everyone...
I have good news...kind of bittersweet actually. I told Hubby about my disorder finally. Told him about the emails...we both cried...and he made me promise to get better. He said he'd help even though he didn't know what to do. He was so scared that he really didn't want to leave me alone today...luckily it's a Sunday and so that means his day ends at 1 or 2.
He wants me to gain to 120 at least (he really wants me 140 again and I told him no dice...I can't or it will trigger me all over again. You know?) by he end of two months. I told him the main reason I want help...and he said we'd work on it after I reached a healthier weight. I told him it wasn't going to be easy...he asked me to increase my cal intake to 600 a day...and to not lie about how much I took in.
I think it's bittersweet because today I reached 111. I was equal parts happy and scared. Just how much further was I willing to go before I stopped?
I'm going to try to get help though. I am. I want children more than I'm willing to let this disease control my life. I know it will always niggle in the back of my head...but I won't let it control me anymore. I felt so relieved when, instead of laughing it off, he started crying. I know hat sounds mean. At first he pissed me off...telling me 'Just eat! It's that simple!'
Don't worry guys. Both I and my friend CM set him straight.
But then I made him read the emails and...poof suddenly he understood all of what I was attempting (and failing) to say.
So guys. Thank you! All of you! For your continued support and friendship. Please keep me in your collective prayers. Both for a child soon...and that I'm able to beat back this demon into remission/submission.
I love you. All of you! And I hope and pray...that all of you stay safe...that you all know how much I care...even if I get better. I will always care.
I love you all!
-the Silent (getting help) Observer-
Ps- also...what would you guys like to read next? HP/Fen...Sev/slave!Harry...Voldie/slave!Harry?....
OMG well done you! I'm so glad he took you seriously and that you guys can work together on this, like compromising at 120lb, that's great :) I'm completely chuffed for you. You lost so much and now, you know that really you're skinny enough even if you can't see it when you look in the mirror, and you've reached out for the help to stop before it goes too far. You're like, the perfect pro-ana story ^__^
ReplyDeleteAlso, I <3 Severus Snape! Big love! xxx
Thank you hon! Much love you you too! Baby steps...because even though I need to get better...those voices still bitch that I'm making a mistake you know? Sev/Harry it is lol!
ReplyDeleteLove you! Be safe!
Congratulations! That was a brave thing, in my opinion. And his reaction seemed pretty good..?
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck in attaining your goals and having your child, I'll pray for you :)
Lots of love! <3